Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] This is 50 first dates, and I'm your host, Jolie Moore. They say that hindsight is 20 20. I decided to find out if that's true. Every week, I'm going to read a chapter from my memoir, 50 First Dates, then give you the backstory and commentary on what really went down. It's been two whole years since I went on these dates, and I'll be experiencing them along with you as I read. We'll find out together if my future self learned anything. I don't know if I have anything figured out, but at least we'll share some laughs along the way. Dating in Southern California is nothing if not entertaining. Ready? Strap in. Let's go.
[00:00:45] Welcome to 50 First Dates, episode 52. I'm your host, Jolie Moore, and this is the last episode. So first, my goal is to get through the episode without crying. And second, I'm here to tell the story. So I was. You know, let me say this. One question that people have often asked me is, why did I do this podcast? Or why did I write the book 50 First Dates? Or why did I even go on 50 First Dates?
[00:01:18] And there are so many. There's so many answers.
[00:01:24] I went on the 50 first dates, I think, because I was leaving a marriage where I had been lonely for a really long time. And I chose that. I know I chose that, but at some point, you stopped choosing it. And I'm not sure if I want to say I was seeking attention, but at least I was seeking validation.
[00:01:43] I had never really been pursued. Well, that's not a good answer. But I was looking to see if men would find me attractive, if they want to have sex with me, if they would want this. This whole package. And that is probably not the smartest idea to start dating, because I went out there not knowing what I wanted and probably was emotionally unavailable. And let me just tell you, that is not a great combination.
[00:02:24] I wanted, probably validation, attention, and some connection. And I got.
[00:02:32] I got. I don't even know if I got any of those three.
[00:02:37] And I think that the reason I did both the book and the podcast is I have an author friend who once said to me that the feelings aren't processed until the story is told.
[00:02:53] And maybe that's why we write, or maybe that's at least why I write. I think until I sat down and told the story, it started as a sort of a joke for my friends and then morphed from there, that I wasn't processing the feelings. I was just having the experience.
[00:03:13] But I wasn't that reflective of the experience.
[00:03:19] I think I mentioned in an earlier podcast, at some point, I guess I said to my therapist, I'm going to date, you know, in January 2018, 2019. And she didn't say anything then. But later she had said to me she wondered what it was that I was looking for.
[00:03:36] But, you know, she went along for the ride and as we all did.
[00:03:41] So the other question I get the most is, what did I learn? And I'm gonna say, I learned so much.
[00:03:54] I learned so much.
[00:03:57] But first, emotionally unavailable people should not be dating. But unfortunately, I think on dating apps, that's a majority of who is there? I think the securely attached, emotionally available people are out of the market first. And what that leaves is the people who don't attach, can't attached, or attached poorly for any number of reasons, probably all stemming from childhood trauma of some kind.
[00:04:29] And that's what's probably a majority of the dating pool, especially as we get older.
[00:04:36] And that's not a great mix. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not a great mix to choose from.
[00:04:44] Okay, there's so many points that I wanted to talk about, but I actually wrote them down.
[00:04:50] Let me say this.
[00:04:52] There's so many things. First, the first lesson I learned is dating Classic car guy. Oh, my God. To this day, I still don't quite understand what happened there. I'm not sure if he was, like, in a relationship or doing something shady, but he didn't show up. And it mimicked all the same behaviors that I'd had all through life. My father didn't show up.
[00:05:20] My exes didn't show up. They always talked a good game. The number of men in my life who are like, I love you, I'm gonna show, and then don't is really high.
[00:05:33] And it mimicked that, and I accepted that. And if I had to do it over again, of course I would not go out with a guy. When he blew me off for the second date, I should have blocked and deleted him right then. Because if that's the best that he could do in the beginning, it wasn't going to get any better. But I didn't see that then. All I saw was he didn't show up. And then, you know, he texted or called or whatever, and he's like, hey, I could show up now. You know, I really want to see you, and I think all I really want to do is sleep with me. Moving on.
[00:06:14] Oh, my God. The other another thing that I made a mistake on was type. I spent so much Time thinking or I have a type. I have a type. My type is, well, I have a type.
[00:06:33] And I spent so much time looking for guys who are my type because I do like good looking people. I mean, I don't know who doesn't.
[00:06:44] And I felt like as I was getting older, I didn't want to spend time with people who weren't good looking. So I wanted them to be good looking and have other characteristics. But the first one I looked for was like good looking.
[00:07:00] And that probably not the best criteria. But I will say the issue, I think with dating apps is given how much men fill or don't fill out their profiles, it's very hard to assess the other criteria. I mean, you wake up in the officer who's got like 50 likes or whatever per AB. How do you sort? I mean, I started sorting with cute and you know, not cute. I sorted away because I couldn't think of another criteria. And if I were ever to go on dating apps again, I still think that there would be a bias toward good looking people. And I'm not sure at all how other people sort that. I really just don't know.
[00:07:51] I probably would try to sort a little bit differently. But to be frank, that is a particularly difficult way to date.
[00:08:04] Let's see, what else did I learn?
[00:08:09] So many things. Okay. And so I have all these thoughts. I wrote them down. They're probably not in order.
[00:08:16] So let's talk about. Okay, classic car guy. That was a mistake. I can't believe I wasted any time on it. I cried a couple days and then I got over it.
[00:08:27] I think I just got on a plane and came here, which is always how I deal with things until the pandemic.
[00:08:35] The other thing I need to talk about is Thunderbolt. I had no idea. I met him and he like sort of low key approached me and I high key approached him because he was really good looking and creative and was trying harder than some other people in terms of like personal appearance and all that.
[00:09:00] I.
[00:09:02] He was my kryptonite for two and a half years.
[00:09:08] I wasted so much time with that and if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't do it again. Like I'm sitting here right now in December 26th of 2021, not quite understanding what it was in January or February of 2029. I mean 2029, 2019 that attracted me so much. I mean, okay, he's really good looking, but I just, I don't know, like, I just don't know. Like he walked in the Door. And to be frank, I had. I had. I don't even know if I have this anymore, a fantasy, probably from, like, junior high, of what a guy would look like who would be the most attractive to me. And he is that. Or was that. And so he walked in the door. It was my fantasy come to life.
[00:10:12] And that and his looks, sort of. And the sex. He's good. Maybe like, erased all thought in my head about his behavior.
[00:10:24] To this day, I spend some time. Like, I literally don't understand some things about him. I mean, look, I think we have a similar trauma. I think we have similar, like, backgrounds in some sense, with, like, alcoholic mothers and what felt like unstable childhoods. Although mine was clearly a little bit more stable than his. But what I don't understand about him is that spending time with him was literally like spending time with two different people.
[00:10:55] 50% of the time, he would show up. He would, like, show up, like, remember details about my life, know who I am, and be, like, engaging in this amazing sort of, like, open person.
[00:11:08] The other 50% of the time, he was so shut down and so cut off. And, like, he would. He would do this. This is so. I can't believe I'm gonna admit this. 50% of the time, he'd, like, shuffle my door, like, with wine or with whatever he brought. And he would be, like, outgoing and gregarious and great. And the other 50% of the time, he would sometimes text me and be like, what is your address?
[00:11:33] And this always, like, got me in the gut. And I thought, you've been to my house, like, so many times. Like, you literally can't remember where I live. Like, down the street and around the corner from you. I mean, we're talking, like, literally he would walk down the street, turn left, and then he'd be at my house. Like, it's not, you know, it's not brain surgery. And I couldn't ever figure out those two people were so incongruent. I really couldn't ever sort of get them together. But there was something so compelling about it. And I said to, like, friends who were like, why are you spending any time with this guy? And I was still dating other people, so, I mean, it wasn't like I had, like, you know, put all my eggs in the thunderbolt basket, but I couldn't.
[00:12:20] Whenever I thought about cutting him off, it felt like cutting off a limb. And I don't know, to me, honestly, that's the second kind of trauma bonding. Like, the trauma in me sees the trauma in you that Whatever that connection was. And I don't know if he felt it or not. I think the shmoopy guy who showed up sometimes did. But because when I was like, we're done, he came back, even though he said, you know, you have to reflect and you have to make a decision. My decision was going to be, nope, done, not reaching out to you ever again. Clearly this is a mistake. And he came back. And I, to be honest, for the first year it was me, like, calling, texting, whatever, and for the next 18 months it was him because I refused to put it out there again for somebody who rejected me. But whenever he called, I said yes if I was available.
[00:13:22] And I don't know, it was a lot to cut it off in September of this year. But I honestly have no regrets. I have not reached out. He has not reached out. This is maybe the longest period of time that we have not talked to each other. I don't live in the space of 100% believe that he will not pop up again.
[00:13:47] But for once, I think I have the wherewithal to not to say no. I haven't blocked and deleted him, but I need to say no. I don't actually harbor any ill feelings toward him. I just think that he is more.
[00:14:06] What's the word? I want to say?
[00:14:08] This is so pejorative. He's a little bit more messed up than he thinks. And then that. And then I thought so. I mean, I know he has this magical belief he's going to meet this girl and he going to have. Now he's going to, like, get married and have children and his career is going to, like, take off and he's going to have this life. And to be frank, I want that for him. If he wants that, I would want that for him. But I don't know if it's realistic given where he is and the work that he's doing. But you know what? Not my path.
[00:14:40] I'm on a path. He's on a path. Our paths crossed, intersected, and they've diverged, and we're two different people.
[00:14:49] Let's see the other thing. So these are going to be sort of non sequiturs because I wrote notes that are out of order.
[00:14:57] Oh, seeing sex workers.
[00:15:01] I did not consider my stance on men who see sex workers. Thunderbolt did and the foreigner did, and they admitted it. I mean, probably other men see sex workers and just never admitted it. I believe sex workers work. I have no ill will towards sex workers. It looks like a hard job, but I have Some questions about either the inherent misogyny in it or how men distinguish sex work from taking in women in a fully informed way.
[00:15:51] But I don't. I think going forward, if I met a guy and he talked about seeing sex workers, I'd have a lot more questions. I didn't ask questions before. I think I'd ask the questions now.
[00:16:05] Okay. The best guy I met in 51 dates, I think is the Aussie. And actually, I need to text him. He asked me to text him, and I just. I haven't.
[00:16:16] He was the first sort of instance of a guy who was not my type. He built like a linebacker, and really big guys are not my thing. I never thought about it because I didn't think body type was important to me. But, like, I think I like slimmer, smaller men for reasons I can't tell you. But. So he's built like a linebacker and he shaved his head and. But he still remains, like, probably the nicest guy I met out of all these dates.
[00:16:52] He is exactly my age.
[00:16:56] He was kind, he was generous. I still talk to him two years later, even though he's stuck in Australia because of COVID But he was still remains, like, one of the most interesting, genuine people that I met during the process. And it was just like meeting him was a glimpse into what could be. And, you know, everything that he ever said about dating, because we talked about dating, came to be. I think, you know, he was like, you gotta be thoughtful, deliberative, and slow down and all these other things. And at the time I was like, yeah, okay, you know, whatever.
[00:17:38] But it was great. And he was one who commemorated our, like, weekend together with pictures. And I'm grateful that he did. And when I get done with this podcast, I am gonna text him what he asked me to do. Um, let's see.
[00:17:54] Oh, type shouldn't be something. You know, one of the things that I can't believe, I was so focused on type. And I really realize now that, like, shared values or even having values of kindness, honesty, and integrity are way more important than type.
[00:18:13] Being cute but being mean ain't. It isn't good. Um, okay. Romance worthy guys. One of the funniest things that I think that happened during this process is the number of men who were like, are you doing research for romance? And 99% of these guys were not romance hero worthy guys. People who are married, getting out of relationships, emotionally unavailable, at Beast more than 10 minutes are not romance hero worthy guys. Romance heroes are more often not alphas, but that's a Different conversation, I guess, but are available and have some misperception that they believe that love is not for them. These men thought that everything was available to them and they had to put forth no effort. It was just, it was one of the funniest questions ever.
[00:19:16] I don't even know what to say about that.
[00:19:20] Oh, okay, let's see. Oh, married men. Married men are the most aggressive daters ever. And I think they have to be efficient and aggressive and assertive because they don't have a lot of time to, you know, to cheat because you know, they get like a wife and more often than not kids and a job and a whole other thing they have to do. So they have the least amount of time to spend on dating, but they are the most aggressive. So these guys were like, let's get off the gaps and get out. Half the time they're married.
[00:20:01] Oh, you know. So one of the things I think I wanted is that I wanted to be seen.
[00:20:11] Another author I know talks about this. That the reason that she reads romance or had read romance and wrote romance and enjoys it so much is because it's about being seen for who we are and loved in spite of it or because of it. And one of the things is that I don't think any of these men actually saw me. And I've been thinking a lot about that because I don't think I'm hard to figure out but I think they couldn't see me because I think they couldn't see themselves. They did not have a strong self perception or a good idea of who they were. A lot of these guys are like these so called nice guys. They wanted to be nice and they wanted to have integrity and they kept talking about I'm nice, I'm kind, I'm whatever, no, no drama, whatever they saying they wanted to be that but they spent no time trying to embody the traits that they talked about.
[00:21:12] Let's see. Oh, when your job is sex. So let me say this going forward, I don't know, I would be think. I think I'd be more cagey about my job. When your job is writing about sex and romance and relationships, it makes men uncomfortable because you're talking about things that they want but I don't think want to talk about or delve into deeply.
[00:21:41] So I wouldn't talk about that as much.
[00:21:45] Oh, let's see, let's see. Sex and core values. Oh, I think that, oh, the summer guy did say that he thinks perhaps in like a relationship not in terms of casual sex but In a relationship, you should wait to have sex with someone until you know their core values. And I think there's a lot to be said about that.
[00:22:11] Oh, you know, okay, let me see this. Oh, and he also said, no, that was the Aussie, I think, be friends first. Or maybe everybody says be friends first.
[00:22:20] 99% of these guys that I dated, I wouldn't have been friends with. And that does not say a lot about me or them or any of it. I didn't equate friendship with relationships. I have friends. I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of women friends. I have some men friends. And what I expect from them and what I expected from men I dated were two different things. And I finally merged that. So for my friends, I expect honesty, integrity. I expect kindness, reciprocity.
[00:22:55] And I now also expect that from men I date. Lesson learned. Took two years.
[00:23:04] One of the issues that I think I actually, I still need to address, there's still work to be done on me, is all the men that I've seen have said that they don't feel needed by me. And I don't know.
[00:23:21] Actually, I still don't know what that means.
[00:23:26] But to be frank, none of them felt like people I could rely on. I felt like if I needed them, they would disappoint me. So I didn't bother trying. Whether that's true or not is a different conversation.
[00:23:39] Let's see. Oh, men like the idea of me. So because they didn't see me, I don't know what they saw. Like, I don't know. They like the idea of me. Like, I will go out and I'm fun and I will talk and I'm chatty, and I'm like, you know, I will bring the party. God knows I'll be exhausted when I get home because being an introvert, it's hard, But I will bring the party. And men really like that, but seem to find me exhausting. And so they liked the idea of all of that, but maybe in smaller doses than I was giving, because I would, you know, I would happily, like, chat all day and just be me all day, and they wanted me in much smaller doses.
[00:24:27] Oh, here. So one of the things I actually spent a lot of time thinking about is is there a way I could have approached Classic Car Guy or Thunderbolt differently that would have led to a different result? But I think what I learned is that with emotionally unavailable guys, all roads lead to nowhere. So if I had, like, held out, had sex later, had more dates, done more, I don't know, like, I have like a 10,000 ideas about how I could have approached it differently. But I think their emotional unavailability and probably mine meant that it wasn't going to go anywhere. So all of the.
[00:25:10] All of the stuff around it was just trappings.
[00:25:15] Okay, so let's say there's two more things I want to talk about. First, I want to talk about the foreigner. So in chapter 51, I ended the book with a date with a foreigner. And I think that the book starts with a quote from him, which is, falling in love is better than swiping, right?
[00:25:34] This guy.
[00:25:36] This guy was married. He had just. So let me tell you about the foreigner. The foreigner's from the country where I'm sitting now, except he's not here. He's in California. And he was. I have not. He was a sweep you off your feet kind of guy.
[00:25:57] And I had not had anybody in my life like that, ever.
[00:26:05] Everybody I had dated in my life, including my ex, was ambivalent toward me. So they could take me or leave me. And in so many points, in any relationship I'd had with any guy in the past, I would look at them and I'd be like, you know, at any time, you could walk out the door. Because their ambivalence was so great that I kept wondering why they stayed around. And I eventually broke up with every single last one of them. Because at some point, the ambivalence became painful. It became painful to spend time. Try to spend time with someone who could take me or leave me, who could not remember anything about me and didn't appear to care about me, but wouldn't leave. Like, I still don't understand that behavior. And maybe that's just something I'm never going to figure out. I don't know. But.
[00:26:57] So the foreigner. So he, like, sought me out on the dating apps.
[00:27:03] So I met him on OkCupid, I believe. And on OkCupid, you can search. So he searched for people to. Who had an interest in this country. Tiny foreign country. Tiny. It's got like. There's a dwindling population. Actually, I think it's like nine and a half million now.
[00:27:19] And he really sought. He sought me out. He, like, asked about everything about me. Like, did a bunch of research on me before the first date, which red flag. But I didn't notice that, you know, and by the third date, we went on a date, Winter tart, that first. That restaurant just south of West Hollywood. And then on the second date. Oh, my God, I don't even remember. Oh, we went to a play. We went to this restaurant, I think, in Los Feliz. And because I already had tickets to a play. And on the third date, he came to my apartment and cooked me dinner. He cooked salmon and roasted vegetables and brought wine. And he was just so attentive. Like, he stared at me the whole time. He asked me thousands of questions. And by the end of that night, we were sitting in the couch and he was talking about how he was so deeply in love with me, and he had fallen in love with me by watching me on YouTube in some author interview or something. I don't know.
[00:28:20] I.
[00:28:22] That was love bombing. I had never experienced it before.
[00:28:26] And when I asked him why he was so, like, gung ho for relationship. Well, okay. He told me he was divorced initially, that he and his wife had been apart for years.
[00:28:38] What turned out for years was, I think, eight weeks. And he.
[00:28:47] She had. She had moved out. She didn't even moved her stuff out. It was. That was. It was crazy. That whole situation ended up being crazy. But he. I think he just couldn't be out of a relationship. And I now know, you know, like, I was like, relationship number 10 or whatever, because he told me all about all the other ones. He had an insufficient filter.
[00:29:09] But his wife had just moved out after him cheating on her for over 20 years. He cheated on her, like, a couple years in.
[00:29:20] He had. He was enmeshed with his mother. She called an hour. She called every day and talked to him for, like, an hour. And at some point, he was on a date with me. And he didn't tell his mother because she would have, like, apparently quizzed him or whatever, made it really hard. And when his mother couldn't find him, his mother called his wife and was like, where is he? I can't find him.
[00:29:44] And his wife had a tracker on his phone because he had been cheating all these years. And, you know, he was at my house, and it went downhill from there. I. He kept saying, I want. He wanted a partner. He wanted to move in. And I kept asking him what is it that he thought he was. And he was like, I see this future where my kids are getting married or graduating from school, and we're all at a dinner, and you're by my side and my ex is across the table. Like, it's sort of like he wanted this harem of women. And his mom would be in this picture too, where he just.
[00:30:23] He just wanted a lot of women to, I don't know, love him, prop him up Emotionally support him. He needed a lot of emotional support.
[00:30:35] He did a lot of inappropriate things. I mean, there was a love bombing. There was. At some point, I went to his house at the beginning of the pandemic, and he had a tenant in his back house. And he says to me, oh, I have to introduce you to my tenant, because between the women coming here, he doesn't know who you are. And he couldn't tell. Ha, ha, ha.
[00:30:57] It was awful. It was awful. Like, at some point, he was like, oh, I can't show up because me and my wife have to go do whatever. They seemed to have to do a lot of things together and sign a lot of papers together because they were still married. Like, there was like. At some point, I was like, have you even, like, filed for divorce? And they filed, but never moved beyond that. They were going to mediate their divorce, and they needed to meet a lot, to have a lot of mediations. She did not move out any of her stuff. You know, he had a key to her house. She had a key to his house. They were back and forth for his birthday. She came over, and he was like, I want to celebrate my birthday with you. But my wife says, you know, I promised her we'd still do family things together. They had a lot of family events during COVID Then there were some other issues because I wasn't going to hang out with somebody who had just hung out with 25 people, but long before a vaccine was available.
[00:31:56] But he was just. He wanted.
[00:32:02] It was like he was cheating because at some point he was. I did something at his house. I left something at his house, I think. And I said, oh, I didn't mean to leave that. And he was like, well, I just. Maybe my. I hope my wife will find it, because then she'll know I have someone.
[00:32:17] And between that and his mother, it was too much. He did inappropriate things. He showed up at my house once when my child was not there. So that was bad enough. He just, like, rolled up to my house and, like, knocked on the door, and he's like, I just needed to come and hug you. Like, drove, like, an hour. That was a little much.
[00:32:35] One night, he rolled up to my house. Fortunately, my son was sleeping, and he was like, I just need to hug you. I just need to spend time with you. You know, I can't. I can't be without you for more than a couple of days.
[00:32:47] At one point, he said. He was like, I want you to meet my children. And I said, you know, we've been dating like, only, like, three or four months. I don't think it's appropriate that I meet your children. Even though he had told his children about me, showed his children my picture, which he'd saved from the dating app, or actually, he used to screenshot me from Zoom. That was so weird. And he rolls up to my house and pulls, like, into my. You know, pulls up into the back of my house and parks. And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, well, I wanted you to meet my kids. And I'm like, so they were still in the car. I'm like, well, what do they want? He's like, they don't want to get out of the car. And I was like, thank God they have appropriate boundaries. I have appropriate boundaries. And I was like, this is really not cool. And he did leave, but that. I mean, he would do things like that because he just. The whole thing with the love bombing is they just want to, like, integrate you into their life so quickly that you can't leave. He wanted me to move in. He, like, hired painters and had no money to do so. Oh, God. He was broke. That was the other issue. His mother was supporting him. She was venmoing him, like, $400 a week so he could, like, pay his bills. And then his wife went on welfare. I mean, it was not good.
[00:34:00] It was just a disaster. And at some point, I looked up and I was like, why am I in a relationship with somebody who's texting his wife? You know, ostensibly, you know, they moved out and broken up all day and all night, who can't go, you know, one day without talking to his mother, who was broke, who didn't seem to have any plans to sort of right himself and move on with his life.
[00:34:32] And, you know, he was, like, cashing in his 401k for living expenses. It was just. It was. It was a mess, and I didn't want to walk into that mess. And all the flattery in the end did not make up for that. All of the, I love you, you're the best thing ever did not make up for that. Oh, by the way. And the sex wasn't that good.
[00:34:57] We could get into that, but I will just skip that.
[00:35:01] He insisted that he and his wife had had, like, a really great sex life. And, you know, he didn't understand. He wouldn't listen. That was the thing. I was. He was like, well, this is what she liked. I'm like, okay. And he's like, this is what all the other women I dated liked. And he outlined in detail all the sex he'd had with all the other people and what they liked. And why did I like that? And I was like, I'm old enough to tell you what I like, and I like these things. And he was like. He was like, but my wife, like, X. I was like, okay, but you're not having sex with your wife or you want. Maybe he still was. I don't know. I actually don't know. But if that's not the case, then I'm sort of tired of having this conversation.
[00:35:39] And it took, like, days to break up with him. Like, he came to my house and I was trying to break up with him. And he was like, why? And I was like, because you're still involved with your wife. Because he had literally, like, driven down to, like, buy her, like, bandaids and peroxide because she can't go to Walgreens herself. And he was like, well, you would want somebody who is as dedicated to her.
[00:36:06] And he was like, that's never going to change. He's like, if she ever needs anything, I'll do whatever is in my power to make her life better. And I thought that fair enough, but I'm not going to sit here like, what, am I going to sit at your house while you go tend to your wife and then come back? I mean, I just didn't understand it. So I broke up with him, and I have no regrets. My regret was that I didn't see the love bombing for what it was and that I wasted six or seven months on that. Granted, it was during the pandemic, so I will say that, like, a lot of things felt skewed, and it felt like my only outlet for companionship beyond, you know, like, my child and the one friend I had, you know, a distance walk with.
[00:36:59] So there was that. And I. So, you know, I have regrets about that, but I call it my epiphany relationship. Because as I was biking up and down the beach for weeks at a time, I just felt like I had been taken in for the last time.
[00:37:17] All the things he said about being honest and I'm not a cheat, and all those. The first things he said to me were obviously untrue. And it really. It was. I mean, I'm mortified that I spent time with someone like that, but it really opened my eyes to the mistakes I was making and the level of emotional availability of me and the men I was dating. So after that, I got off the apps in January of 2020, and I didn't get back on so obviously, you know, I was seeing Thunderbolt intermittently at the same time I was seeing this guy. And as soon as this guy was out, Thunderbolt was back in.
[00:38:04] We. We did get Covid tested, though, but before we saw each other. But, you know, it was back in and it felt comfortable. I mean, it really just did. He's like, we're great together. I'm like, I know. He's like, I'm not going to be a flaking weird anymore. Which, of course, you know, turned out to be not true. And I was like, great, maybe this time, maybe this third time around, we can really sort of do something. But he was. He was who he was, but I had changed, and it took some effort, but I ended that as well.
[00:38:41] So how does it end?
[00:38:45] I will say this. So I think, welcome to my life. I believe I'm in a relationship.
[00:38:52] So I've talked about the summer guy I'm in. Well, now maybe he's the winter guy, because I'm in the winter place, summer place. I'm in my other place.
[00:39:03] I met him in August of this year at a party, you know, in person. And as I said before, he wasn't my type.
[00:39:15] Looks wise. I mean, he's fine looking.
[00:39:19] All my friends say he's cute.
[00:39:22] He shaves his head. That's the thing. This is the thing. This is the one thing. And I still haven't asked him why, because, I mean, I know why. It's because he's both graying and balding. And so I know that men sometimes do that because shaving your head is better. I guess. I don't really quite get it, but from the day I met him in August until yesterday, he has been the most consistent of anybody I've ever met.
[00:39:53] He actually seems to care about me and my life and my child. He reaches out every day. He remembers all sorts of details.
[00:40:03] And it has been the most interesting relationship I ever had. To be frank, I didn't. I wasn't sure. I wasn't quite there, that I didn't think he was that interested in me, like. And at some point, my friend said to me, yesterday or the day before, whatever, Jolie, this man really appreciates you. He has never missed a day of communicating with you. No matter what's going on. His business, travel, your travel, whatever, he has been 100% consistent.
[00:40:37] So I'll tell you this. When I landed, he wanted to go out. I couldn't because I didn't have the energy. I saw him the next day. He was himself. But we spent A long time together. He was great. I had a good time, and I came home and I thought, okay, I've seen him again. It's been a few months since I've seen him. And I really like everything about him. There's nothing I really dislike about him. And so I called him and I was like, hey, why don't you come to my place here?
[00:41:11] I'll make you dinner. And he was like, sure, okay, you know, what can I bring? I said, bring some wine or whatever.
[00:41:19] He the buzzer. It's an intercom. The intercom goes. I let him in, and he missed the floor.
[00:41:29] It's hard to explain, but he didn't get the floor right. And at some point, I look over the balcony, and this man is looking up with me with bouquet of flowers and, like, wine in a sparkly bag.
[00:41:42] And he looked at me and I thought, oh, I think he really likes me. And we eventually talked about it. I mean, you know, I did. I made duck. So we had to eat dinner because duck doesn't hold heat very well. Duck breast. And we ate dinner, and we're sitting on my couch here talking. And he was flirty and outgoing and just sort of like, way more effusive than he'd ever been.
[00:42:12] And it took me like, a few hours because, like, I was like, oh, my God, I think he really likes me.
[00:42:22] He has, like, sort of hinted at it from time to time, but really hasn't said anything. And I looked at him and I said, do you like me more than a friend?
[00:42:32] And he was like, I told you, it's really hard for me to talk about my emotions.
[00:42:38] He's like, but I really, really like you a lot. And I didn't want to say anything because if you didn't like me in that way, I would rather have your friendship than have nothing at all. And with that, here we go.
[00:42:55] So there are any number of issues with this. I really like him.
[00:43:01] We're actually gonna go tonight to the to ballet. Yay. I'm so excited. But they look. We live thousands of miles apart. He is younger than me, and I don't know what the future holds, but for once, I am optimistic that I am making good decisions, that I'm on the right path for me, and that no matter what happens, this is enough.
[00:43:52] I'm Jolie Moore and this has been 50 First Dates, the podcast. If you enjoyed listening, I hope you'll share, rate and review it on Apple podcasts. It will help others find the craziness that is dating in Southern California. Also, please hit the subscribe button on your podcast app if you'd like to read ahead. My memoir, 50 First Dates is available wherever books are sold. A link is always included in the show notes. I'm also a romance writer. If you want to know more about my books, please visit joliemore.com for more information. You can also follow me on Instagram xojolymore and on all social media at the same handle, xojoiemore. Thanks for listening and I'll be in your ears next week.
[00:44:42] SA.
